George W. Bush, President
RESUME: GEORGE W. BUSH The White House, USA
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for congress and lost.
I produced a Hollywood slasher
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas;
company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money.
With my father's help (and his
name) was elected Governor
I changed pollution laws for power
and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the
I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most
smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for most
executions by any Governor in American history.
I became President of the United States of America after
losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my
father's appointments to the Supreme Court.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I attacked two
I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. I shattered
the record for biggest annual deficit in history. I set the economic
record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I
set the all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock
market. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal
prisoner. I am the first president in US history to enter office
with a criminal
record. In the first year in office I set the
all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US
After taking the entire month of August off for
vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other
president in US history. In my first two years in office over 2
million Americans lost their jobs.
I cut unemployment benefits
for more out-of-work Americans than any president in US history.
I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution
than any president in US history.
I presided over the biggest
energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in
US history and refused to use the national reserves as past
presidents have. I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
set the all-time record for the most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million
people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the
history of mankind.
I dissolved more international treaties
than any president in US history. Members of my cabinet are the
richest of any administration in US history. (The "poorest"
multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named
after her). I am the first president in US history to order a
US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did
so against the will of the United Nations and the world community. I
created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history
of the United States.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases, more than any president in US history.
I am the first president in US history to have the United
Nations remove the US from the human rights commission. I am the
first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the
US from the elections monitoring board. I removed more checks and
balances, and have the
least amount of congressional oversight
than any presidential administration in US history. I rendered the
entire United Nations irrelevant. I withdrew from the World Court of
Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and
by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. I am the first
president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors
(during the 2002 US elections). I am the all-time US (and world)
record holder for most corporate campaign donations. My biggest
lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends,
one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in
world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
I, with a policy of "disengagement," created the most
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. I am the first US
president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
I am the first US president in history to have the
people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate
neighbor, North Korea.
I failed to fulfill my pledge to get
Osama Bin Laden "dead or
alive." I failed to capture the
anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the
United States Capitol building. After 18 months, I have no leads and
zero suspects. In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks, I have
successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest
security failure in the history of the United States.
removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any
other president in US history.
In a little over two years, I
created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most
divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two
years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
I have at least one
conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been
erased and is not available). I was AWOL from National
and deserted the military during a time of war.
I refuse to
take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All
records of my tenure as Governor of Texas have been spirited away to
library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading
or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public view. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I
served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view. Any records or
minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review. For personal references please speak
to my daddy or uncle James Baker.
(They can be reached at their
offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering. Do not have
evil-doers for friends, do not have low people for friends:
have virtuous people for friends, have for friends the best of men.
(this is real white house email
address you can send them an email with questions, suggestions or
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